i can't rhyme
by percychased
Summary: Lucy can't breathe and Louis is waiting. He believes she can do it and he's never left her side. Warnings for abusive relationships (!) and minor coarse language. For QL, round 13. Lucy/Lorcan and background Louis/Scorp.


**i can't rhyme**

"_Life is life. Fight for it."_

"I love you," he says. "I love you, and I swear, I promise, Lucy, it'll never happen again. I love you, I can't - I don't know what I'd do without you."

She believes him. Why wouldn't she believe him? It was a one-time thing, after all. It wasn't going to happen again. He loves her too much and she loves him just enough to believe what he's saying.

_You can't do that! You're probably sleeping with him -_

_I'm not!_

_-behind my back. I wouldn't be surprised. You're always with him. You should be with me. _

He can only see the black and blue that's on the outside of her, and he waves his wand. It's done, it's over, it's never going to happen again. It's like it was never there in the first place.

He can't see the blood that's turning cold inside of her or her blue heart or her lungs that are suffocating from a lack of air. She can't breathe, she can't breathe.

When this happens she's trying to form words together and sometimes she forgets she's made of bones and tissues and skin and organs and not the stars and Hemingway and absinthe and wit, everything she wants to be.

He takes the silence as a form of cooperation.

He backs away from her, horrified at himself and the state she's in.

But then he stumbles forward, like he's drunk, and he's clumsy when he tries to gather her up and tell her it's alright.

His arms are _too _warm and _too _big and they are squeezing the rest of the air out of her lungs. She can't breathe.

_It won't happen again. I swear it won't, Lucy, I love you, I love you._

.

Louis has always been her best friend, that's the way it's always been. He knows her much too well and she hates it - he can tell when something is crawling underneath her skin.

Louis knows: Lorcan is explosive, corrosive, and she's going to get _burnt._

He is a nice boy with a nice family and a nice job and nice looks and a nice amount of NEWTs. She is going to believe his apologies and his promises and his make-believes - looking at that face, who wouldn't? He has big eyes and high eyebrows and boyish, wavy hair, and he seems to scream honesty and trustworthiness.

Louis wants to say: _Don't put on your pretty red dress for him, Lucy. You are not a doll. He can't throw you around._

He doesn't. She wouldn't listen to him. She chokes on the fumes at the back of her throat from his metaphorical cigarette and she can't breathe.

_Breathe, breathe, breathe._

She can't breathe.

.

It goes like this:

They are married right out of Hogwarts, living in a magical suburb with Ministry jobs and a white picket-fence house and exactly 2.5 kids. Perfect.

No, it goes like this:

Something _terrible _happens and they are there for each other. They become the other's rock. They are only strong united. They are a group.

No, no, no. It goes like this:

Shoving things down her throat. She is not her mother, not her father, and there is something that feels slightly wrong when her dad gets her a job at the Ministry and gives his approval to her marriage to Lorcan. He choked her with NEWTs and OWLs and schooling and being a wife to a nice, nice boy.

_Too much._

She can't breathe. She can't speak.

.

She almost forgets about it when it happens a second time. After all, he says he loves her. And he does. He is caring, attentive, funny, nice. He brings her flowers at work and plans impromptu dinner dates. She is happily in love with him and he's perfectly in love with her.

He only hurt her once. And it was okay after, she told herself, because he fixed it. He always does.

(What she doesn't realize is that every time she is cracked and shattered into pieces, putting them back together is going to be a lot more difficult each time. They're going to fit a little less, chafe a little bit more.)

Lucy doesn't realize he's saying anything until his mumbling becomes a little louder.

_Always with him, you're always with him_

Always with who? My cousin? My friend, who happens to be in a committed relationship with another man? You can't be jealous, Lorcan. Really.

_You can't tell me what to do, Lucy. Who knows what you two get up to, all alone_

Bullshit. Bullshit, Lorcan. That's not true. Louis and I have been best friends since we were in diapers together. We're cousins. You're insane. It's… gruesome that you'd think of something like that.

_Don't you dare say that to me._

If you're coming up with accusations like this, I will. You have to be insane to think something like this is going on -

(Silence.)

_Oh my Merlin, Lucy. I… here, I can't… here, let me get a cloth, or - _

Leave me alone.

_I love you, Lucy. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me._

You said this wouldn't happen again.

_I know. I know. I - it's just, I love you too much. I can't even think about what I'd do without you, the thought of losing you drive me crazy_

You said you wouldn't hurt me.

.

_Lucy, Lucy, Lucy._

Louis says her name over and over. She needs to remember it. She needs to remember who she is and what she's called.

She needs to be herself, live for herself, and he can't understand why she isn't, because that's what he's always done - when he told his family he was with Scorp, he was living for himself and his happiness and his love and everything that makes life worth living.

Come on, Lucy. _I know you won't listen to me because you still think he's perfect and he's wonderful and there's nothing wrong with him, but Lucy, he's destroying you, he's breaking you into a million tiny pieces and he is _destroying_ you. Breathe, Lucy, breathe._

.

One day she knocks on his flat door and Scorpius answers and moves out of the way when Louis comes to the door. She's crying so hard her shoulders are heaving and she can barely move. He doesn't say anything but he thinks he knows what happens.

When her face is a little less red she realizes she's wrapped in a blanket on the sofa and there's a steaming mug of hot chocolate - her favourite, no less - and Lucy gazes silently at Louis and says nothing. She doesn't tell him now, but she will tell him later - it's over, it's done, it wasn't mutual but she is strong and it was hard and she's _so _scared, and will it ever be okay, Louis?

She takes a deep breath in and smiles.

* * *

><p>an - I don't know? I hope I was able to portray this in a serious and sensitive matter, and because I have never gone through anything similar to this it's hard for me to relate but I hope I did okay. For Quidditch League, round 13, using prompts happily, "Life is life. Fight for it," and gruesome. Please tell me what you thought - helpful concrit is especially great! - Em


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